Tag Archive | Perfume

Buy the Gift Your Woman Wants, seriously.

Honestly, it is the gift that counts. I know that sounds harsh, but that’s how it is.

If you ask me what I want, and I give you an item in a box, I expect you to get me that exact item in that’s in that exact box. At the very least, I expect that exact item.

If you cannot get that exactly, then buy me something else completely, or ask me where to find what I want or what else you can give me that I want.

I know this is hard to grasp, gentlemen, but pay attention here. Perfume 101 — when you buy a lady perfume, if you do not buy the exact bottle shape, size, style she always uses, it is not that perfume.

It’s probably a knock off or  a “new” version of the old perfume that she really likes (hence the manufacturer put it in a new bottle), which means you’ll have to look a little harder and spend a little more for what she wants, but she’s worth it right?

Perfume makers tend to update their scents and reinvent them slightly to go with current trends in perfume. They do this every dozen years or so.

A perfume that was born in 1922, might be remade in 1977, and again in 1980, and again in 1995 and again in 1999.  Each time, it will be slightly or radically different.

Your lady might find the 1980 and the 1995 not that different, but the 1999 version might suddenly be so different it smells to her like something the whores on Canal Street would wear.

So, take this message to heart!

If she’s handing you a visual aid and saying: Bring me this. You better be damn sure you get her that because if you get her a different “version” of perfume, she’ll feel insulted. Like you didn’t care enough — even after she told you what she wanted and gave you a visual aid — to get her the right thing.

Really.  And that’s your relationship in the toilet because you will not be sniffing, kissing or otherwise caressing any body part she sprayed with her current perfume, trust me.

And yes, I think the “new” 1999 updated version shown below smells so bad I scrubbed it off my arm and threw out the bottle and the person that had the gall to give it to me! — and it’s a really ugly stupid bottle too! Relationship status: OVER.

Today I killed a Bonsai.

For reasons I don’t quite understand, my bonsai died, though, I doubt it was the *peep’s fault. One day I walked out and the top third was all rust color. Then a few days later, the middle turned. Then at last the bottom turned, and it was gone.

The tree had always been cared for in the proper manner. It was 4 when I recieved it, and about 16 when it died. It was given to me one Christmas by 2 friends, one of whom died the following spring.

I must confess I felt a certain obligation  to keep it alive, as if the friendship was continuing through the little tree. In time the other friend moved away. After about 5 years, we lost contact. It’s over 2 since there’s been a text or tweet or any sign of life.

As I looked at the tree last night, I thought, why am I hanging on to something that’s dead? And so I went to the market and picked up some cheap and cheerful potted plants –a  miniature red rose, two persian violets, and an orange begonia — to which I  have no attachment.

This morning I plucked the dead tree from its pot (which I am keeping) and threw it out. I repotted my 99 cent flowering plants and stuck them on the bench where my bonsai had been. I felt amazingly better.

Every time I look out my kitchen window and see those happy living things between the two chaise lounges on the back porch, I think of all the good times with good friends that I’m going to have, not of the good friends I’ve lost over time.

I think we often hang on to dead things in our lives, not realizing we ought to let go. I think I’m going to be throwing out a lot of things this week. And then I’m going to invite some friends for champagne and seafood in my newly perfumed garden.

*The peep continues to reside al fresco, under the rosebush.