I was having dinner with some friends the other night and the conversation turned the recent Salsa Festival (that’s salsa the food, the music, and the dance) that Der and I had been too, and then it turned to Der and I.
I tried to explain it was complicated. But “Platonia,” in her infinitely Wiccan way said, “Love is easy. That’s how you know it’s love. It’s not complicated. ”
But I’m not convinced. Love, as described by Plato, fashionably takes into account only Me and Thee, never them and those. But them and those often has a big impact on long-term Me and Thee relationships.
Der is a wonderful guy, but the awkwardness of his parents and mine ever sitting down together some Christmas? It’s unimaginable. “Parents always want their children to be happy,” is a statement I find always, at it’s core, false. Parents think they’ll be happy when you’re happy, but it never seems to be true.
My dad says he was just a fun rebound for Der’s mom. She was always in love with Der’s father, they’d just had a falling out and so, for a summer, Dad and Der’s mom were a couple. In essence, Der’s mom was using Da to stick it to the man she really loved.
Now all of that’s good news. Seemingly. Though I wished I’d asked before Der and I had the $150 DNA test — because it was the sensible thing to do. Or maybe not. The test was a complete intimacy killer from which we have yet to really recover.
Maybe my dad and Der’s mom wouldn’t have a problem with us as a couple. But there’s still my mother and Der’s father.
I can’t see my mother being over the moon to sit down with one of dad’s ex’s. It’s the modern thing to do, inviting your former lovers and their now spouses to sit down with you and your now spouse. But my mother hasn’t changed the furniture set since she married my father.
Der’s dad, though certainly more open to life as she is lived, is also deeply conservative. No doubt at least partly due to the Belgian national school system which requires pupils to spend two hours a week, for 12 years, studying morals – either humanistic or religious, depending on your folks bent.
So Der and I both know this is going nowhere. But, it’s a fun relationship so, neither of us wishes to pull the plug even though at some point we expect to drift apart. And yet, that’s ok. Being happy together for now is enough.
Hmm, I guess, Platonia was right. It’s not complicated after all.